littl darling stil unwell..
morning measure ard 38.2

hope he recover sn..

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V-day.. got to see dear for oni abt 2hrs..
haiz..

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oldr darling's gf is so sweet..
made a photo album for him..
consist of photos before they r togethr til nw..
sweet..

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boring cny..
reali boring..

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kids went 拜年 yestrdy..
1st day of cny..
tis yr is different..
they all went wth her..
i m at hm..

guess wht,
every yr i will insist to take 全家福..
tis yr, 全家福 dun hv me..
thr is her..

i knw, u wil say 'is u dun wana go 拜年 wht...'
is nt tht i dun wana go..
isnt it look weird, whn he is wth her & i stil tag along..
hate tis kind of feelings sia....
sucks..

while i was at hm waiting for thm to cm hm,
he call to inform uncle (fathr inlaw's brother) whole family coming..
request to help thm to on sitting rm aircon,
make hse 香香..

latr, call to request to on his rm aircon also..
i was busy walk in & out of all rms wth tht 香香..
tidy up their bedrms cos she place her clothes on bed,
her hangers were also on bed,
her car keys otside sofa thr..
help to tidy up all rms also..
cos maid went ot wth thm..

is nt tht i mind to help ot,
is reali nothg at all to do all tis small litt thg..
is e effort tht matters..

cun get ovr my own tots & feelings,
to let tos uncle & aunty who knw me for 20yrs,
& fathr inlaw's family to see me at hm alone,
nvr go hse visiting..
dun wan thm to pity me..

seriously, wht & hw wil they feel whn they see me..?
obviously, they knw he has a woman otside thn divorce me..
if i stay at hm to hapi new yr wth them,
tht proves tht, he has a gd wife & a gd ex wife,
whr both of thm cn stay undr 1 roof & dun fight????

so i went ot..
went to e mall, wanted to pamper myself wth foot relfex,
or pedi but close..

in e end, bot sm food for my both darlings,
& bot a flower for dear & oldr darling's gf for V-day..

feel dam fuck up..
i had alrdy done alot,
everythg i m ok & always nvr mind..
cos i wana see my kids every day..
cos i wana gv u a chance to b a gd fathr..

u knw i cn take away many thgs fr u,
but i did nt..

thr is a limit to everythg,
dun make me bend til i cun std up..


helllllllloooo
anybody think of my feelings nt?
anybody think of hw i feel nt?
u all reali think i no feeling wan ah?
u all reali think i m god ah?
u all reali think so v ching chai til no principle ah?
u all reali think i dun hv pride wan huh????

fed up......................

u all hapi cn alrdy la..
i no nd de la..
wa lau... who cares whethr tis fat woman hapi nt..
boh eng ah..

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dun ever hv doubts on hw i take care of my kids ok..

i hv been taking care of thm for 10 ovr yrs ok..
whn they sick at hm,
i m e 1 tht is taking care of thm til they recover ok..

nvr eat certain food whn they r sick is NO BIG DEAL ok,
& they wun die if they dun eat egg, dun drink soft drinks
for tht few days ok!

everyththg cn eat, cough cn drink cold coke??
sore throat, or fever cn eat durain?????

ur mum took care of u whn u were baby e same way like i do ok..
so is my mum, so is all e mums & grandmas...........

dun doubt me & kip thinking tht i am stupid ok..
e world knws i love my boys & i wil nt harm thm..
by nt eating certain food whn they r sick wil nt hurt thm..

i may nt b as educated as u, nt as edu as ur frens, or ur dear..
& i dun deny e fact tht i do nt knw many mnay thgs..

but pls dun treat me like an idiot...
if u hv no patient talking to a 'stupid' woman like me,
thn dun talk.. cos i wil oni make ur blood boil..

* angry !!!!!!! *

nt suppose to eat ice cream,
but i nd tht to make me hapi