dinr wth my boys & eu last nite..
i felt like a small family dinr.. *love*

2 hungry boys..





was in office yestrdy & dinr with thm at tamp aftr wk,
walk ard for awhile & off we went hm..

i always thinking, i wun b able to see thm so often whn i shift ot..
i dun wana slowly drifted away fr thm...
i dun wana dun knw wht is going on with their lifes..


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i had finish my reports.. m always happy whn i finish thm.. lol..
coming week wil properly hv anothr battle to fight..
my babies decided to 'rest' a day nt taking anothr project call..
tht leads to explaining.. facts findings to bk thm up.. etc..
i'll properly get sm 'butter' fr boss whn i see him nxt week..

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bb went off to korea..
miss him.. wonder hws is he ovr thr..
weather v cold thr hope he enjoys & wun fall sick..

on e other hand, i had a gd zz without bb screaming early am like 7am.. lol
last nite i nag joey to zzz & finally zzz rd 2am..
tis am i woke ard 7plus am, thinking 'ok, i m nt working today' & went bk zz..
til dear's msg ard 10plus am, i laze ard til 11plus am thn go brush teeth..
hv nvr been like tht ever since we shifted to tanah merah..

withot jeff ard, we r like wow.... songs on loud loud, joey sings loud loud loud..
i put my stuffs every whr i like ard e hse.. any hw put also nvm..
everythg is like no nd to worry he dun like.. lol
SHOIK is e word ... haha....

coming week onwards i wil try to rch hm earlier to get food for joey & maid..
i had showed e maid tos coffee shops outside our hse,
& had also showed her ard east point before i went wk yestrday am..
also taught her wht store is selling wht food etc..

we wil see hw it goes.. i let her buy if she cn buy..

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i saw a card tht jeff wrote to jas while i was searching for an extra multi plug in their rm..

is a medium size card full of wordings..
reali full till no space.. with all small small wordings..
in e cards were all his expression of love for her.. so so loving..
it said abt lying on her lap.. hw much he loves her, how much he miss her,
dearie here dear thr.. & of cos many many more..

thr were also afew photos they took togethr during their trips..
trying to recall, all trips he told me was business trip.. lol
she was v v v skinny last tm..

e card was dated in 2003..
2003 means whn joel is ard 12yrs old..
2003 means whn joey is ard 6yrs old..
2003 means whn we r married for abt 12yrs..

& i knw they r together definately earlier thn tht..
think properly ard 2000, 2001 or 2002....?
cos i remembr she send joel hm fr sch whn he was ard P4 or P5..

well..... i knw is no manners to touch their thg in their rm..
but they left it thr openly on e table... all i did was took it up fr e table & read..
memories flashes bk.. sadness rises..

he was unfaithful to me whn our children were stil so young..
joey was properly just 4-5yrs old..
suddenly i felt e pain all ovr agn.. e pain of hw i went thru whn i knew he is seeing her..
e pain of hw i was betrayed by tos ppl i love so much.. ya.. tos ppl..
e pain of everyday at hm waiting, knowing he is with her....
e pain of knowing he is lying, & yet living with it..
e pain of feeling so lost & all alone..

i cn write a full hundreds of pages of e pain i had or went thru..
i nd to adjust my feelings & mind bk to e day before i read e card agn..
forgiving is alrdy nt an easy task.. living wth thm.. loving their child..
i cun totally remove tht 8yrs of painful memories i had.. 

perhaps like wht i did for mei mei in office..
restore hard disk bk to 1-2days before i read e card.. lol..

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smthg to brighten my days alittl.. find tht 'ufo' thg rathr amazing.. lol...



i had nt once telling dear wana cut my hair but i didnt do it..
e feeling of heartache if i cut thm away or shorter..
but i wana hv sm change...

result of my hair wil review whn u see me in person..
whn joey saw me, he said : 'hw old r u alrdy.....?' .... lol

i cn b louder thn tis if nt bcos of my age...
anyway it wil fade soon..
by thn wil properly nt so 'scary' anymore.. hahaha...

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dun undrstd y u cn just leave withot leaving a single cent behind..
seriously.... u r expecting sm1 who make just a quarter of ur salary pay for everythg?
m nt a stingy person, especially to my kids.. is e abilities & responsibilities i m talking abt..

cm to think of tis, angry....


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