latest trend.....?

haze, psi, mask !!!

suddenly, facebook bcom HAZEBOOK

everyday we talk abt : haze, hazy, & OMG.......
if nt we wil b looking at e psi index : up & up & WOW........
thn is : mask, no stock, & so EX ah.....

tks to indonesia, mosquito & dengue is in a way gone.
but increase breathing problem, throat problem, nose problem.

seriously hate thm.
is so irresponsible & yet say we act like a kid. *f**k la...

we hv pregnant women, babies, old ppl & little animals ard k..
wil their god forgive thm for endangering other human's life?


hopefully we will hv fresh air real real real sn.
i wana live longer ley *roll eye*


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clothes smell haze ~ ~
older ppl like my mum said " aiya.... nothg de la, so panic... "
she said last tm whn they wk also so smoky...

i told her, last tm she was 10-20yrs old....?
now, she is 74..

she hero dun wana buy mask cos " so long Q.........."
stil cn go dwn str with psi 400 without mask... sigh...


***

pee mak is nice..
world war z is nice too..

superman .... nt nice.

***

took up a 3mths training session..
hopefully to slim dwn alittl & learn to live healthier..
suppose to start nxt week but due to e stupid haze, postpone..

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bot a pair of beautiful running shoes...my fav brand & nt cheap..
hv to use it to e max.. if nt defeat e purpose of buying  =D

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m stil lack of staffs...
hopefully new hires will cm in fast..
hopefully they wil pick up fast..
i'll lighten sm load out...

ppl always say every cloud has a silver lining...
must b strong, take up e challenge...
difficult times wil soon b gone & u wil enjoy e harvest..
guess wht.......?

i m stil waiting for tis day to cm.


***

tis morning, i dreamt i drowned..

i was so frightened..
i struggled.. struggled v hard to go up..
i felt i cun hold on anymore..
i tried my best to push/make/swim (whatever u call it) myself up to catch my breath..

thn suddenly, i open my eye wide....

**

Info fr 2 different website

Drowning
To dream of drowning represents feeling totally overwhelmed by emotions, or uncertainty. You may fears, insecurities, guilt, or other negative emotions that are overpowering and dominant. Something is too much for you.

Alternatively, you may be too deeply involved in something that is now beyond your control. To dream of surviving drowning represents difficult emotional situations you have overcome, or are learning to deal with. You may have survived a problem that you didn't believe you could.

Drowning
To dream that you are drowning indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions. Repressed issues may be coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your subconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then it means that a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.

**

overwhelmed by emotions,
too deeply involved in smthg tht is beyond my control...

sigh...

seriously...... i think i m reali v much affected by thgs happening ard me lately..
too many.. mental & physical adapting..
conscious & subconscious mind both trying v hard to deal with everythg everyday..

is like nvr ending.. keeps piling up.. more & more.. higher & higher..


***

i hv so many to blog..
havent been blogging tht often due to couple of reasons..
1 of thm is bcos i nd to min press e power on button 10-20x thn it wil finally boot up..

below r sm photos i didn't manage to put up e other time..



us... whn we were young

specially love tis pic.
i found it whn i went thru old photos at my mum's pl.
we were so cute & loving.
same design clothes some more.

we were nt tht close all e while..
i cn only remember he used to snatch my thgs..
& he used to bite me..
yes, reali bite.. i wil always hv many his teeth marks on my arm..
blue black.. & it hurts.

mum wil always side him..
althou i understd y, but i used to hate her..
he was her only boy.. whenever their was a fight, i m always wrong.
all she said was " u r older sis, u dun knw hw to 让弟弟 huh..?"

we hardly chat.. not tht i hate him..
is just nothg much to share & we hardly see each other whn we grown up.

i m all in all, nt so close to thm..
they dun knw wht i m doing, i also dun knw wht they r doing.

but, they r my family. lol..


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tis were taken whn he went home for tht 2 days..
he had always wanted to go home..
i wanted him to go home..
i wanted to fulfill his long wanted wish..


2 darlings, mum & bro


smoking at home

he missed smoking..
asked his fren to let him smoke..


celebrated his birthday

i bought him a cake..
his many frens were thr celebrated with him..
he was so happy.. i m v glad..
in a way fulfilled his wish of going home,
& he dun like to b lonely..
with all his frens ard tht day,
he was happy.. 


tos were e time..

tis pic was sent to me by 1 of his buddy..
at wk, as usual, smoking..
tos were e times..
he was so huge back thn..
tis was e brother i remember.. huge



few weeks b4 he passed away

tis pic was taken couple os weeks sgo b4 he passed on..
he was weak in emotional, but he was a fighter.
going thru all tos thgs he went thru, was a torture physically & mentally..
his daughter & mum were his mental support.


e notice was pasted slanted

guess nt much ppl noticed tht e notice pasted at e wake was slanted.
tht was bcos mum was stil ard whn son passed on,
thus it must b pasted slanted according to chinese tradition.


his car


his house


radio

we bought him a car, a house with pool & maid,
a radio, many cigarettes, a shoe, a slipper, a few clothes & pants..
plus many $..


ST flower were late.. but quite pretty..


mandai crematorium
mum didnt send him off.. she went home


raymond & candee


his working colleagues


elaine praying


all his frens & colleagues were great..
they dun just assist in $..
they provided help whn needed or i didnt even ask..
look at tos ppl who went to e wake..
who even take e trouble to send him off..
i m thinking, hw many of e ppl in my organization wil do all tis whn i die?
automatic do via their heart without even need to b ask?

as compare, bro's company is a big organization, so is mine..
but, his organization has 人情味..
reali... u cn see tos 人情味 ard, & u feel it..

unlike my organization.. they did it nt via their heart,
they did it bcos of formality.. is so different.

he was blessed to hv knw these grp of buddies..
he was blessed to hv mum.. althou she reali pampered him (spoiled him)..

grandma was e 1st to passed on last yr, follow by dad.. thn bro.
our 4 members left 2.. mum is alrdy 74..

these manys mths (min 1yr) of stress i m having were nt kidding..
fr dad 老人痴呆.. til nobody wana bring him see doc..
til he passed away right beside me.. til bro diagnosed with cancer..
til mum's stress, til bro was gone, & now bz stressing ovr all his admin thgs..

on top of tht, thr is wk to stress abt.

frankly, m worry i wil collapse..
body started to hv many funny reactions tht i nvr encountered b4..
& is scary.. v scary..

thr is only 1 person in e world right now who wil cares abt me,
tht is mr phee.. althou 3/4 of his time r being taken away by his family,
& he is quite a lazy, bo chap person in nature.. lol

tks dear.. for e physical & mental support u hv been providing.


***

i told bro, to hv a better life nxt life.
told him nt to b so bad tempered.

wil go visit him nxt sunday.
wil bring elaine & mum along.

*** 

many times i m thinking, god sent me to tis family is to help thm.
perhaps in my past lifes, they had given me many helps.
perhaps is their blessing to hv me..

i do care for thm..
althou i m nt a gd daughter at all..
i hardly visit or call thm..
cos i dun feel close to thm at all..

i remembr hw dad held my hands, carry my bag to sch.
i also remembr i insisted my grandpa cn nt go home aftr sending me sch..
i insisted he std outside e window to wait for me to finish class..
& i must b able to see him whn i turn to e window.. 
if nt i wil CRY ~~~

i do care for thm..
althou nt close, nt related..

i guess, i m here in their lifes for a reason..


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