m rather looking forward to coming monday.. ^ ^
m little anxious.. ha..

hopes everythg wil turns out well..
hopes he wil likes it..


***

relations r weird & hard to explain..

is nt e 1st tm we argue due to waiting for me aftr wk..
is nt e 1st tm i told u, i m reali tied up & bz thus late..

i knw u just grumbling..
i knw thr is no hard feelings..

but i just dun like to see tis on going thg wil/may spoil our relationship..
& trust me, i alrdy rushing to go dwn str..

was rather upset tht day whn u were also upset with me making u wait..

but.. with just a v v simple gesture..
all upset is gone..
heart feel tht sweet sweet feel for hours.. haha..
hw strange.. isn't it..?

i m sorry dear.. if i upset u..
forgive me k..
thr wil b more waiting for me dwn str for e nxt many mths..
bear with me k..
& trust me, i didnt purposely let u wait..

love u..

***

has been quite awhile i didnt update blog.

m stil bz bz bz even is not report week,
even if no more dad..

new project, brother, getting a new maid,
& little darling's olevel..
i hardly hv tm to surf net,
no tm for cross stitch, & no tm for movies..

if thr is 2 me, if thr is more thn 24hrs a day..


***

going on diet..
hope to slim dwn alittl by end of e yr.. haha..
looking at a lazy & nt enough tm 'me',
think i wun slim dwn much, cos too tired to exercise.
but, wil stil try to reduce sm food & weight..

***

been to chinatown to see e snake lights with e phees,
was tiring & didnt reali walk ard..
wil hv anothr trip thr with dear agn sn..
our yearly activity.. ^ ^

***

organize reunion dinner with colleagues..
sm grp with last yr.. but tis yr nt much reply..
another week to e date but hv nt decide whr to eat..

lesson learnt, dun presume everythg is e same as before..

***

1 of our old staff return..
with his return, i wil b able to breath abit more.. lol
coming mths wil b bz bz for new project & shifting office..
most likely i wil b stress & no tm for all my fav activities..

***

contact bk aunty heng due to dad.
gd is, i m thankful for her loving me whn i was babysit by her..
bad is, i must keep up e keep in touch part.. haha..
she is 88 alrdy.. she cn stil walk quite fast.. amazing..

heard sm of my bb story fr her.. just few days i m alrdy given away

***

i had a dream tis am..
i dream i forget i m going for an operation..
in e dream, i m like wan go dun wan go for my op like tht..
thn i think, 'aiya go ba.. ' but dun knw wil late nt..

op wht, op whr...? i dun knw.. lol..

google :


Operation

To dream that you are having an operation suggests that you need to get something out of your system or cut it out of your life. Perhaps you need to let go of something or change your habits.

To dream that you are operating on someone indicates that you are facing some deep issues or dealing with some repressed thoughts.

To dream of a military operation suggests that you need to approach some issue or situation with discipline, precision and planning. Do not rush through your decision.


Surgery

To dream that you or someone else is undergoing surgery signifies the opening of the Self and/or the need for emotional healing. You need to "cut out" or eliminate something from your life. Alternatively, a surgery suggests that you are feeling the influence of some authority figure. You are being swayed to act and behave a certain way. A more literal interpretation of this dream may reflect your concerns about upcoming surgery or about your health.

Surgery

To dream of surgery represents noticeable healing or dramatic changes. Significant problems are being eliminated or confronted. A problem might be getting "cut out" of your life.

Example: A woman dreamed of having heart surgery. In waking life she was getting married. The heart surgery reflected the dramatic change in the way she loved others with the permanent commitment of marriage

Operation

To dream that you are having an operation suggests that you need to get something out of your system or cut it out of your life. Perhaps you need to let go of something or change your habits.

To dream that you are operating on someone indicates that you are facing some deep issues or dealing with some repressed thoughts.

To dream of a military operation suggests that you need to approach some issue or situation with discipline, precision and planning. Do not rush through your decision.

healing..? changes in life..?
hmm.. too many thgs going on tis few mths..
too many..

***

tis cny, m nt suppose to bao hong bao..
nt suppose to house visit..

i LIKE... LOL..

***

brothr is recovering..
happy for him..
all in his mind now is 'wan go hm'..
hope dad wil help him hm..

***

went to joey's sch last night,
listen to his principle & teacher talk abt olevel..
feel e stress for him..

nowadays sch is so differnt fr last tm..
sch communicates with parents..
flood kids with many wk to help thm..

he is working hard nw.. & is only jan..
hope he scores well..

hope tis 'o' is slightly easier..


***

wana tks my dear for providing me wth supports for e past 4days.
he was e only 1 tht walked thru e whole cycle together wth me.

fr dad rch A & E, to doctor pronounced him dead,
fr the monetary to collected his body to e wake,
fr sending dad last journey to mandai,
& to e temple to place his tablet,
fr collecting dad's ashes, & to dad's sea bury...

he is e only person who stays thru ot wth me.

on behalf of my dad, tks dear..
he wil properly say " thank Q P... " =)
i m certain he wil b v grateful for wht u did..

tks for walking thru tis tough time wth me..


***

i m bk..

so many thgs happened in these 4days,
i m e 1 tht completed everythg,
day in day ot..

i hv so many thgs to say,
but wil nt drop all dwn here..

all in all in points form,
i m v disappointed,
i wil nt b heart to heart with u anymore,
i m sure dad left happier bcos no nd to get scolding every day,
i m thankful to tos who make an effort to drop by see dad,
i m thankful to tos who provided me with mental or physical support,
i wil nt feel bad or guilt if i did 'incorrect' thgs to u,
cos u owe me, cos i feel it is tm to take bk wht i deserved,
cos i feel since others is gd, dun look for me..

& if u think i m heartless, thn b it.
tos ppl who r ard me, who r closer to me thn u (pls feel ashamed of urself),
wil knw whether i m a heartless person.

i cun stay long b it at ur pl or hospital,
i wouldn't call to chit chat wth u,
is just me.. i m like tht, & u knw tht.
perhaps is nt up to ur mark,
but i did my part.

i only do v necessary & importn thgs,
such as seeing social workers, writing to mp,
calling here & thr to enquire procedures,
bring dad for review or checkups, consulting lawyers for u all,
collecting dad's body, sending dad last journey to mandai,
collecting dad's ashes, sending dad's tablet to temple,
sea bury dad, & all his 头七，三七，五七，七七四十九天 wil all
only b me to go pray for dad..

yes, i dun sit long at ur pl or hospital,
& i dun call to chit chat wth u.
but i did so many thgs tht u all dun do...
i did so many thgs ALL by myself..
all u did was nag !

anyway, e sky & ppl ard me saw wht i did.
if ur heart is all e while nt wth me,
no matter wht i did wil nt b able to satisfy u

no more heart to heart wth u, no point.
in ur heart tos who sits at ur pl or hospital 24hrs r gd,
tos gv u $ r gd, i m nothg to compare wth thm,
thn b it.

gd luck to u.
continue to love ur beloved only son,
who took few ten thousands dollars fr u,
who scolds & shouts at u,
who dun wan u to rest,
who is v selfish,
who thinks cancer is e BIGGEST..

dun cm nag to me, wht ever shits u r getting is u ask for it.


***

tks daddy for loving me even thou i m nt ur biological daughter..
nobody is perfect, & i knw u did wrong thgs too..
nevertheless, i m stil thankful to u..
& i remembr u held my hand, carried my sch bag & walked me to sch.

u had ended ur journey here & made thgs simpler for me..
may u rest in peace & i knw u r happier at e othr side of e world..

by e way, hope u like e bmw i bot.. hv fun driving daddy..

***

mum has been calling me more often..
as early as 7am, as late as 12 mid nite..

1 fine day she wil break down.
1 fine day i wil not talk to her cos too pissed off by her.

she always feel that i m no gd.
well, i m nt perfect.
i m tired too.

bro's will is finally done.

wil b seeing dad's social worker tomor..
another round of talking..
proper procedures, documents etc.

had wrote an email to cck mp.
seriously hope he wun ignore my mail.

***

reports left with with 2..
so stress up with bro, dad & mum..
rushing here & there, report was delayed.
ended up rushing reports like hell.. sigh

***

had a short short trip with dear.
i needed tht v badly.
enjoyed myself thou sick

***

i always think, tht day wil nvr cm.
even if it cm, it wil properly b 10yrs later.

whn u mentioned abt 111213, i was happy.
cos in my heart, u hv e tots, & tht is gd enough.
althoug i wil occasionally ask u whn huh...?
knowing ur situation, i nvr take ur reply v seriously.

til u told me wht u said to mum
til i knw mum's reaction..

til date, i m stil in a state thinking " is tis real...? "


***

cough is getting better v slowly each day.
finish all medi & stil coughing..
hv been v noisy with snore & cough,
joey cun zz well bcos of me..

***

jovan has been waking up mid of night crying..
think he is not used to full day sch..
patience is needed whn is children

***

so many of us r coughing..

i cough til right side head pain... headache.. lol
wen cough til see blood..

***

report weeks.. but i nd to accom dad see doc..
1.5 days leave gone in Jan13..

***

nag & nag & nag..
y cun just gv me sm tm to rest...?

***