tues morning discharge,
last night (wed) went in agn..


***

就这么一通简单的电话....
就这么一句简单的问后 : " 怎么了....? "

你去冲凉.. 我开开心心地跑去刷牙...

足够了
就这么简单


***

brother discharged tis morning..
went nuh to see him, spoken to his doc..
he stil needs to visit hospital pretty often..
nxt apptm nxt week, for a body check up agn,
cos doc needs to knw aftr 1 week at hm,
hw is his body doing.. wil hv blood test & many test agn..

nxt chemo 12sept, doc wil add more medi..

---

i was only informed by brother yestrdy aftrn tht he mayb able to discharge..
everythg seems unknown, dun knw tis, dun knw tht..
suddenly say he cn discharge, no staff to cover me,
thus asked daryl to stay til 10am to cover e peak..

early morning took a train to nuh,
but got confused with sgh, ended up i almost alighted at outram..
changed train, a gal thought i m pregnant,
v sweet of her to give up her seat to me..
finally arrived in kent ridge aftr abt 1.5hrs..

---

didnt zz well last night..
older darling's pillow is too hard for me..
bb's mummy went to vienna in austria last night,
for a week or so i think.. is a beautiful country..

---

getting tough to follow up with younger darling's chinese..
many words i had forgotten how to write,
& i cn only v roughly explain wht it means..
my education stopped 30 over yrs ago..
educations r much higher standard as compare to 30yrs ago..
even if i was A1 30yrs bk, 30yrs later?

well, my kids dun just once or twice reminded me i m nt v capable..
whether is it directly or indirectly..
besides, they always hv in mind i m stil v young..
well, 42 mayb is stil v young to thm.. ya, nt 70 yrs old right..
but is my body & mind, of cos i knw better..
blank memories, suddenly cun remember my pin when i m standing in front of e atm
were just some of my 'old alrdy' symptoms..
m nt finding excuses, but it is tough to everythg keep up e same pace with them..

i watched ch8 我和偶像有个约会,
is a series abt young actor & actress meeting up with their fans..
i noticed nowadays teens feel they knw alot,
they feel they been thru alot, they feel they r mature..
they feel they understd.. do they?

it is my duty to feed & educate both of them..
e time, e strength, e sacrifice i made, etc etc,
everythg has bcom responsibilities when i brought them to tis world..

i dun ask anythg in return from them.. so far did i?
i even didnt plan to live with any1 of them..
infact i knw, they live with their dad is much better than staying with me..
i wan them to have as many thgs as possible, which i m unable to provide..

all i wan from them is to pls study well,
b wise & take gd care of their body..

m not demanding type of parent..
think my boys would perhaps prefer me to b more demanding..
that will push them further up..
but everythg has a gd & bad side..
if i m demanding, their childhood wil b nothg but studies, books & stress..

being their mummy, i knw i didnt meet up with their expectations..
as their mummy, i always knw smthg i shd hv but is missing..
i chosen nt to bother much abt it cos i feel tis shd b smthg 'auto',
it shouldnt b requested..

ppl always say, kids r here to collect debts..
well, i agree..

wait til u r a parent..
wait til ur responsibilities r no longer just study hard..


***

went sushi with e Js last night..






thn went take a look at e new hse after dinner..



everythg stil nt ready,
we cn only std outside see..

jeff said most likely wil shift over ard nov-dec12..
2-3mths to go.. & by thn we shd hv 2 maids to help ot..

looking at sm photos, e hse is really small..
looks like smaller thn tanah merah..
well.. i'll move over to yishun few yrs later..

---

mum called.. she said brother told her,
he asked mum to fried bee hoon with roasted pork..
& he also requested mum to fried kuning fish..

she was worry, she said dun knw cn eat these or nt..
i told mum to cook for him ba..
since he has e appetite to eat & feels like eating..
doc nvr say cn nt eat these food..
just dun cook so oily for him..

well.. m glad in a way, he feels like eating..


***

going TM to buy dinner for little darling later..
hopefully dun rain..

* looking up at e sky *
" i wana strike 4D tonight..... !!! "

older darling's bd celebration..
a simple celebration with family & frens..



wana thank all his frens & eu for making tis happen..
wana thank thm for making tis an importn memory for him..

---

tis game, was introduced by dear..



i like tis game..
althou it seems more like a guy game..
tis game actually allows u to build, grow, recruit & battle..
try tis game if u havent play.. quite fun..

---

brother stil in hospital..
his cancer is so sudden to all of us..

aftr 4days of chemo, he seems tired..
he said everythg he eats now has bcom tasteless..
anothr 6mths to recovery, he needs to endure & b strong
hope everythg smooth smooth..

i was rather stress past week..
nt much appetite to eat..
everyday visiting, worrying,
resulted me feeling tired..
looking at him like tht,
plus my mum cries (she seems lost & is supper worry)..
i cun help to think twice on e food i eat..
i love spicy food.. reali love..
but now i wil think twice,
try nt to eat too spicy..
try to eat healthier..

i always tell gal & mei,
dun drink too much green tea, or coke..
drink more plain water..

i told dear to eat healthier,
he said if anythg happen to him,
he wil tell e doc to just put him to zz... *angry*
i told him, i wil nt allow tht to happen..
i wil tell e doc to everythg talk to me, nt him.. *roll my eye*

brother's his tummy stil v bloated..
besides e v bloated tummy (supper uncomfortable),
his bk stil ache (doc took his bone marrow couple of days bk)..
his hands full of blue black fr needles..
e drip, e taking of blood to examine every hourly..
sigh........................

as for me, aftr monitoring him aftr his chemo for few days,
he seems quite alright.. m relax alittl.. my appetite came bk..

tis is just e 1st chemo & thr wil b anothr properly 5 more to go..
& thr r so many thgs to take note & careful of..

such as whether his kidney, body cn take it or nt (chemo is a v strong therapy)..
must b hygiene & no raw food at all (nt even half boil egg),
cos his immune system is totally zero..
chemo kills all his cells away (all means gd & bad cells)..
cn nt fever, & to go hospital right away if fever rch 38 degree..

sigh.. (starts get worry agn while typing all tis)

only whn brother is so unwell,
thn i know he is james.. lol.. ~~

---

wana thanks dear for being supportive (i needed tht)..
thanks him for driving me here & thr..
& thanks him for understding my stress & frustration..
thank Q dear...

---

having migraine last night..
it continue tis morning..
quite a bad one.. cos i wil usually feel ok after 1 hr of medi..
but tis tm round, i only feel better aftr 3hrs of medi..

didnt reali zz well past few days..
littl darling talk in his dream, snore..
bb jovan scream & cry early early morning..
gona b zombie soon.. lol

---

i wana watch watch..
hopefully cn watch coming week..

---

jeff & her went to natas fair last night..
they r bringing bb jovan to korea in dec12 for 8days..
they r going with her family..

m thinking, dec is too cold for bb..
he is too young to go so far..
we dun knw whether is he ok wth e food thr,
althou they say gona bring slow cooker thr..
& i m wondering hw is bb gona sit in e plane for 6-7hrs..?

---

older darling's camp is sending him to australia nxt mth for few weeks..
anothr thg to worry..

parents...... duty nt just taking care and educate their kids..
anothr 'duty' is always worrying abt their children..
til e day we close our eyes.. lol.. right dear...?


***

好..... 累..... 啊.....


***

accom brother to hospital yestrdy along with mum & ex sis inlaw..

woke up usual hrs, thought shd b enough tm,
appt was 0830hrs..
but ended up i was half hr late due to jam..
was rather fustrated abt e jam,
worry i wil b late, worry i m not able to speak to his doc..
plus e taxi uncle remain his speed at 70-80 (on highway),
even when thr wasn't a jam..

brother did quite a number of test..
blood test 2x, took bone marrow, echo heart test..
doc say he needs to b hospitalised,
cos thr wil b another test today..

then we waitied for vacant bed, we requested for 6 bedded..
waited til almost 9pm, they gave him a 2 bedded 1st..

i went to talk to social worker,
submit required documents on behalf..

initial plan was to go bk office in e aftrn,
cos i didnt knw wil take a whole day..
ended up i went off ard 6plus pm,
dear came over to drive me hm..

was v tired at e end of yestrdy..
'roaming' in e hospital, doing all his admin stuffs,
waiting for doc, test, bed, etc cn b rather tiring..

---

called mum tis morning,
chat with her & ask her to bring brother's toothbrush..
she said she is not going over to see brother today..
she cried.. just dun undrstd, cos she was v ok yestrdy..
thought she will bring niece over to visit brother (niece bd today),
she said dun wana bring her over, say wht wil 'xiang chong'..
then say tomor niece got english test la, need to study la..
then say now ghost festival la, dun go out so late la,
then say niece got tuition la..

just feel all these were just her 'excuses' for not wanting to visit brother..
dun knw wht is in her mind.. sigh..

i told her :-
1) english test cn nt study de, english test study wht?
2) we no 'pan tian' de, so thr will no 'xiang chong'.
is little niece's bd (xi) , she shd let both of thm (bro & his daughter) celebrate together ma..
i told her, sm more is 'chong xi chong xi', even better..
3) i asked her ' u didnt pray ghost festival meh'?
she said 'got.........'
i said ' got............... then u scare wht ghost festival?'

sigh.. i told her mayb brother wil feel lonely,
is like nobody bother to visit him like tht..

i will go over visit him later after wk..
dear wil fetch me thr, i'll go bk on my own..
too far fro him to all e way drive me hm..
(realised that when he drove me hm fr hospital yestrdy)

brother called.. he took e 1st chemo just now..
asked how is he feeling now,
he said tired..
told him to zz.. rest more..

will get him sm food later..


***

tm check 10pm,
bb zz alrdy..
they all went karaoke except me..

updates for e past 1 week plus..
went watch brave with e phees..
b4 movie we went frog leg porridge..
their 'fried pork' is nice..



kindna like tis cartoon..
especially love tis gal's hair.. v cute hair she has..



tis 1 week plus, were all my sinful days..
y? bcos i had yummy dinner almost every night..

below all my yummy dinner (not in sequence)






ikea..




tampines st 11 duck rice & duck soup



bedok centre 水粿 & fried hokkien mee



geylang 搵到食点心..




&... tis was fr chris..



tis was fr victor leong..



mei bought us (wen & me) these slippers..
any idea which is mine?



i bought bb tis pair of sandals in JB..
is too big now, but most likely able to wear another few mths



tis.. is my new project.. for dear's 2nd darling..



i had a bz bz week..
handling new project ops issue,
hiring new staff,
& another 1 week plus wil b my reports week..

life is seriously unpredictable..
few mths ago, i was worrying abt my dad..
now of a sudden my brother got cancer..

my younger darling keeps asking me,
to pls go for full body checkup aftr he learned abt my brother's issue..

frankly, i m scared to knw e truth.. lol..
age is catching up.. every part of my body is into old age..
42yrs of usage.. certain parts had no choice to removed..
m thinking, i had properly alrdy lived 1/2 or 3/4 of my life..
nobody knw how or in wht manner we wil leave tis world..

like i told wen, everyday we wake up,
is = to, minus a day away from ur life..

sounds sad.. but is a fact..
so.. besides living our life to e fullness,
besides living happily,
we need to take gd care of our health..
watch out on food intake,
drink more plain water,
zzz earlier if possible,
do not introduce ur body to harmful thg,
such as tobacco, drugs or alcohol..
u r using ur hard earn $ to kill urself

ok.. m gona stop here now..
m gona watch my "3 country" now..

sign off,
me


***

took half day to accom mum to see her eye..
was raining so heavily..



umbrella gona fly away,
& i was alrdy wet b4 i rch bus stop

ended up i took a cab..
but, there wasn't any rain whn turned into cte.. sigh



arrived early, walked ard to wait for mum..
saw tis sandwich machine & was v tempted to try..



confirmed her eye op wil b 26nov,
21nov to go bk hospital for final checkup to ensure she is suitable for op..
wil take leave to accom her



dear came over to drive mum hm..
v sweet of him..
hv been quite sm tm i didnt see dad also..

went over dad is sleeping (as usual)..
shock to see brother slim down.. with a v bloated tummy..
he said is painful & v uncomfortable..

tis is e test result he showed me



tos yellow thg r sm ulcer or dun knw wht..
all tos words inside e document r long doctor words..
went google also dun reali undrstd wht it means..

brother said is cancer.. last stage..
no operation or medi ..
i'll accom him to see doc coming tues..
i'll bomb e doc with all my Qs

seriously.. wish he wil recover..
40 is stil young..


***

we planned a day trip to JB..
met up at bugis, we went praying..

e only thg missed out was,
monk wasnt thr to gv blessing..

aftr pray, dear took me to a nearby shop for breakfast..



dear said e tom yum nice.. personally, i like e food thr.. ^^



aftr breakfast, off we go.. to e check point



upon arrival, our 1st stop is movie..
dear had watched e older version of recall,
he said story quite same except for higher tech equipments..
i like e movie..
especially e car's steering wheel, cn just push over to passenger side,
so passenger cn suddenly bcom driver.. interesting..

movie thr is reali cheap..
our ticket in spore is alrdy almost $10/person..
everythg in spore is nothg but ex........



aftr movie, we walked ard e shopping mall,
which half of e mall is renovating..

then dear suggested me to go for a massage..



tis man waited for me ^^



massage was like, every where also pain.. >.<""
aftr massage, off we went for our dinner..




food ~~~




my favorite ~~~~~~~~ ^^
i miss tis so much, i had 5 sticks of it.. ha....



e crab reali ex.. dun knw y.. lol
we wil go thr agn.. properly eat e same food agn..

i enjoyed my day..
we bought quite alot of titbits hm..
chewing gum was a challenge for dear.. lol..

massage was gd (mayb bcos i needed 1 quite badly)
food was gd..
& of cos e man who accom me thr is gd too.. ^^

tks dear..


***